Sunday evening I sat on the couch, tired, achy, and thinking about the things I wanted to accomplish this week. Matt and I started talking about a few upcoming opportunities I had to serve others. Somewhere in the course of a ten minute conversation, my emotions started creeping up; I felt my mind start to swell. Pressures, responsibilities, and desires engulfed my person. Tears burst out of my eyes as my husband simply stared at me wondering what to do or say.
After a few minutes of quietly crying (and me, sadly, snapping at my husband as he simply tried to help), I grabbed my dry erase board off of the fridge. I sat down with a marker and outlined three columns at the top of the board: Home, Church, Other. Under these, I wrote all of the things I think and want to participate in on nearly a daily basis. From reading to Abigail to concentrating on healthy cooking to making dates with girls from church to helping friends plan weddings to writing my brother a letter in college to reading my Bible to making time to love my husband – I vomited all of my goals, desires, and tasks onto this board.
When I finished, I looked over this list. Nothing listed within the columns was bad or sinful. I enjoy these things; they gave me satisfaction. As a whole, however, they were draining energy from me and causing me to focus more on what I failed to accomplish rather than doing my best on the priorities that God had given.
I handed the board to my husband. Calmly taking another colored pen, he began going through the list with me. He scratched items off, put an ‘x’ next to a few topics they may get nixed based on my health and energy level when Aubrey is born, told me which things that he could handle, pointed to items I needed to delegate, and circled the things that should remain my priority. “All of these things are good,” he said, “But, if you have are doing too much, you’re not doing a good job at any of them. You must trust that God is control and focus on what He has called you to do as you schedule and organize your time.”
We then talked about many of the things on my list and how I could better use my energy. I sought Matt’s forgiveness for allowing myself to become overwhelmed to the point of losing my joy in interacting with him. We prayed together for wisdom, strength, and the ability to say ‘no’ when needed.
This week has been one of more energy than I’ve had in a long time. I’ve accomplished many items on my “to do” list and enjoyed doing it. But, I’ve also been focused on JESUS and knowing that I can’t be all things to all men, but I can glorify Him with each dirty diaper I change, text I send, meal I prepare, or errand I run. I am so thankful for a husband who shepherds me and points me back to the cross. Matt is truly a blessing in my life!!
Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
But it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.